# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
