can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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