Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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