You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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