Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
