what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
