Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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