Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
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I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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