you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
