meet me or not, i'm out of control
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
