now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
