I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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