yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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