I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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