Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
