Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
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Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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