Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
