I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
