Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
