we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
