Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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