its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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