i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
