the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
