And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
