I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
