Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize