So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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