My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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