i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
