We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
