You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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