don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
