Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
