You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
