Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we're so committed to being not committed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
