My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
