I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
