I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
