It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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