Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
