I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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