I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
