fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
