Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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