Betty ford says i'm here all night
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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