girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
