I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
