In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
