1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
