gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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