Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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