she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
