There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
