I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
