i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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