I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you win again, gameday.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
