I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
