One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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