I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
