obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
