I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
