Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
