I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
