He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
