let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
