PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
