There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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