Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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