Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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