Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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