Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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