I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Farmville is her only friend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
