dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
