I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
