SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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