so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I looked at my own cervix.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm