The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.