I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.