i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"