i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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