people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.