wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.