I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
