how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
