Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
