I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
